It’s a “Me-First” World – But That’s OK


When we agree to an idea or proposal, it’s because there’s something in it for us. It’s hard to influence people who can’t see what’s in it for them. I know that sounds one-sided, but it is true. Call it self-interest, selfishness or whatever but it is only human nature to ask, ‘What am I getting from this?’

People will say yes to our ideas if they meet their needs or match their view of life in the following areas:

• Principles and values
• Beliefs and opinions
• Needs and wants

The answer?  Give people what they want or need. Too simplistic? Not really. You see people agree to ideas and suggestions that match their needs or views of life. Underpinning all our lives are certain principles and values that we hold to be true. These become guidance for how we conduct our lives. They influence and mold our behaviour. They can differ greatly from person to person and successful influencers always take principles and values into account.

But how?

First of all, we must notice what principles and values drive other people. Then, we must ask questions and invite comment and reaction. We can even check with those who know them well

Some examples of principles:

‘Integrity and fairness are an integral part of business dealings.’
‘I think that older people deserve courtesy and consideration.’
‘Moral behaviour is part of the fabric of daily life.

It would be unproductive to spend time attempting to dislodge these deep-seated principles. Instead, we have to harness them to add leverage to our suggestions.

Then, thinking about beliefs & opinions:

Beliefs and opinions can be transient or short-term. Remember when you used to believe in Father Christmas; the Tooth Fairy; giants and witches? Proof can easily dislodge a belief. So too can time.

An early step on the road to influencing others may include having to change lingering beliefs or convictions before we can proceed further.

‘I think that BubbleClean washing machines break down more often than the Tumblingsystem range.’
‘I think that all politicians are corrupt.’
‘I never make decisions on the 13th

Each of these beliefs can be dealt with by logical questioning or providing proof or data.

Needs & necessities:

These are fundamental requirements – they have to be met if we are to influence others. Typical needs include: reliability, security, achieving a deadline, meeting a budget, keeping up to date.

‘Because of increasing competition, it is essential that we maintain an image and at the same time keep up to date.’
‘My team members are under great pressure, so it important to maintain their morale.’
‘The system must not only be reliable but secure, as well

Having uncovered needs, we may have to mold or reshape our ideas to dovetail with the requirements of others. Often, people have a hierarchy of needs, so it may be important to discover and use this:

‘Which is most important to you – reliability or security?’

Wants & wishes:

Wants and wishes are not essentials, just a wish list: ‘Wouldn’t it be lovely … if only’. But their fulfillment can be the cherry on our influencing trifle, placed on top with a flourish, after the other person has agreed to our proposal.

Depends what’s on offer:

Question: How will our suggestions benefit the other person?

The person or people we are influencing will interpret the benefits of our suggestions in different ways. Some will be interested in the features – the fine details, the nitty gritty of ideas. Others will say ‘How will I benefit?’ Others will seek out the advantages of proposals – how the benefits are different.

Features, benefits & advantages:

No doubt you are familiar with the differences between features, benefits and advantages, but it is worth re-iterating.


These are built-in aspects of our idea or suggestion – timing, costs, resources etc. They will remain locked up in our idea whether the other person agrees or not.


These are far more important than the features of our proposal. They translate boring old features into exciting statements which show clearly how others will gain.

‘This new hardware is made in Germany (feature) which means that we will save time and money on spare parts (benefit).’


These are comparative benefits e.g. – increased revenue, greater savings, and faster turn-around.

In Summary: The benefit balance sheet

Most people do not agree whole-heartedly to an idea. There is usually something that niggles, however well we’ve addressed their concerns.

In the end, when we finally say yes to a proposal, it is because the benefits outweigh any disadvantages.

As we plan and prepare our influencing case, we must list all the benefits and advantages of our suggestions.

We then use them to tip the balance in favor of “yes”.


News: Over the past 24 hours, I have constantly been asked my opinion on the US election result: I repeat the same answer over and again – I don’t have an opinion,(publicly at least) because quite simply I do not live in the USA, and I have no right to comment. I know that the BBC published this survey of non-USA citizens recently - and the results did not surprise me, because on the international stage, Obama is viewed as the candidate least likely to take us to war every couple of years.

As a distant observer, I see an Un-United States of America, where politics and not people appear to top the agenda. But the USA is not alone, sadly.

On a brighter note, I hope you have all managed to download your copy of this month’s Top Sales magazine? No? Well I suggest you scurry over to HERE poste-haste, or risk mising out on what is one of our finest editions yet.

Oh, and if you are in the UK, and have been one of the unfortunate victims of the many floods, help is at hand - do check out UK Commercial Cleaning Solutions Ltd Friends of mine used them recently and were delighted with the service

I also want to make sure you have signed up to this brilliant free upcoming webinar, because I rarely make recommendations of this nature but this is something special. You will thank me!


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