Before looking outwards at our prospects and customers we need to look at ourselves, because each of us is a unique human being with our own desires, dreams, problems and thoughts. To understand how we can communicate and therefore sell more effectively, we need to understand the human communication process.

Every moment our unconscious mind absorbs over 2 million bits of information through our senses. We are bombarded moment by moment with sights, sounds, smells, tastes and touches. Yet according to Professor George Miller from Harvard University, we can only process around seven chunks of information consciously at any given moment. That’s an awful lot of information that our conscious mind chooses to ignore or to be more accurate, delete! This means that every individual will process information based on what they a focusing on at that time.

The information that enters our unconscious mind goes through three filters to get to our conscious mind. We delete most of it because there is no way that our conscious mind could cope with what is held in the unconscious mind. We distort the information based on our current situation.

For example, a child may interpret the ordinary sounds of a central heating system very differently if they are left alone in the house. This is why, sometimes people can completely misinterpret what we are saying to them, they are distorting the information because they are focusing on a different meaning to the one we wanted to convey.

We also generalise information. For example; once we have learned what a chair looks like we can instantly identify other ‘chairs’ even though we haven’t seen every type of chair. We can generalise the way most doors are opened, how most cars are driven and even how to identify when a person is either male or female.

After the information has been filtered into our conscious mind, there are only four things we can do with it inside our heads…we make pictures, sounds, we talk to ourselves or we have feelings. The combination of these things creates an emotion that has an effect on our physiology. For example; if we feel embarrassed we might blush, if we feel angry we may tighten up our muscles. Every thought we have affects our body and the way we move our body affects our thinking. Our mind and body are totally interconnected.

If you look at a person suffering from depression, often they are round shouldered, they look down a lot and many of them will be using a lot of negative self talk, “Why does this always happen to me?” “I’m useless, what’s the point?”

Contrast this to a person who feels really confident, they stand upright, their shoulders are back and they use eye contact. Because every thought we have affects our body this means that our emotional state also affects our behaviour, which consequently affects and influences the results we get.

Therefore, if we want to change aspects of our lives, including the way our prospects and customers react to us, first we have to change our own thinking.

Today’s News: We have just announced the “Top Sales Article Of The Month” for April, over at Top 10 Sales Articles, as well as posting the ten nominees for May. You can check it all out by simply clicking on the banner below.

The new Top Sales Experts (Public Group) over at LinkedIn is developing into a very lively community, with lots of really interesting discussions – if you would like to come and join us, simply click below.

You can also link to me if you would like to here:

And if you are really daring, you can follow me on Twitter:

My handle is the highly original Iamjf

Finally today, if you think you are submerged in your comfort zone, you may enjoy reading what I have to say over on my AllBusiness blog -

Tomorrow: On the JF Guest Author Spot, is my chum and the woman who created the most successful sales training company in the world – Linda Richardson

Rapport is the most important process in influencing others. It is vital if you want to maintain relationships. Without it, you are unlikely to achieve willing agreement to what you want. People who have excellent rapport with others create harmonious relationships based on trust and understanding of mutual needs.
Rapport is the cornerstone of all mutually effective relationships. It needs constant vigilance to keep it alive and effective.

Why Is It So Important?

Rapport is similar to money – when you are short of it, it increases in importance. Without rapport you will reduce your chances of getting:

• Unconditional agreement to your ideas and suggestions
• Full commitment from others
• Business, promotion, fiends

The way in which you interact with others has a major bearing on your success as an influencer.

Being in rapport means that you are in agreement with others both verbally and non-verbally.

Ten Good Reasons To Build Rapport:

• To really win friends and influence people
• To connect rapidly with a wide range of people
• To communicate magically
• To build solid, lasting relationships
• To create incredible results
• To help others improve performance and increase success
• To handle conflict
• To get promotion
• To talk your way in to things
• To talk your way out of things

A Recipe For Successful Influence:

Ingredients:
Trust
Openness
Comfort
Acceptance
Empathy
Flexibility
Something in common
Shared understanding
Method

Mix together as required. Notice changes and be prepared to maintain a flexible approach throughout. Keep communication flowing on all levels.

Self-Disclosure:

Telling others how you feel and what you think and believe, as well as telling them about your background, is a kind of currency. Give out information and usually you will receive a lot back in return.

People swarm, flock and group together by type, background, interests, beliefs, gender, work and so on. And one of the most efficient ways to get close to one another is through self-disclosure.

As we begin to experience a powerful common bond, so too does rapport begin. Mutual interests, ideas, values and beliefs are the wrap and weft of social interaction.

Most people like people who are like themselves!

Biographic Matching:

It is rare for two human beings to be together very long before seeking to discover similarities about themselves. This biographic matching can be social or economic, achieved through outlook, education or background – common experiences of the world.

When you match, you reduce resistance by playing down differences while building on similarities.

Pacing:

Once you are matching one another, you can continue to maintain the rhythm you have created by agreeing with one another, seeing things from the same point of view. Pacing is a conscious continuation of matching.

When talking, you can pace:
• Words that are used
• Tone of voice
• Language patterns
• Volume
• Body language used

Don’t overdo it – you may be accused of mimicry. Be elegant – your skills should remain unnoticed.

Leading
One of the goals of matching and pacing others is to be able effortlessly to lead them in another direction. Once you are deeply in sync with the other people, a change of pace from you will usually result in a similar change in others.

Matching and pacing help you share someone else’s experience and you will begin to know intuitively when it is appropriate to make suggestions, to influence, to lead.

Mismatching
You can also influence behaviour in others by mismatching. It is useful to mismatch when:

• You want a meeting to come to an end – clear up papers, put a pen away
• You want to conclude a telephone conversation – minimise responses.
• You need time to think before acting – use the bathroom, make a telephone call, add up figures on your calculator.
• What you are doing isn’t working – go for a walk, listen to some music, make a phone call.
• Matching is affecting your mood negatively – break off the conversation, change the subject.

Networking
Have you noticed how some people seem to be universally liked, trusted and respected? Chances are that they’re also good at networking – developing a wide network of friends, colleagues, allies and useful contacts.

Networking offers you a structured way of making certain that your ideas are effectively exchanged with others.

And Finally: Networking In Action
How can you get to know your team, other managers and clients better? Are there management associations you could join, luncheon clubs, your local Chamber of Commerce?

Organise team events outside working hours. Be seen at functions, offer to assist whenever you can.
Make yourself known – don’t stand on the edge looking in. Be part of the action.

Today’s News: Happy May Day! People everywhere will be celebrating in their own way, from dancing around poles to demonstrating their military might – all fascinating stuff, if you enjoy that sort of thing. 

For me, it is just another first day of the month, and that means checking site metrics from the previous month to ensure we are still on an upward curve: One milestone I did pass last month was 150k readers of my articles on Ezine Articles, which is an amazing number. It means that 156,000 people have read my 168 articles!

Ezine was in fact the first site I submitted my work to in May 2006, and although I have only posted articles very occasionally in the last two years, I am still receiving a healthy flow of visitors to my sites from there – so thanks Chris Knight!

However, one of the most significant advantages of article writing, has been the fact that Google is voracious when it comes to picking up key words: For example, if you do a Google search for “Business Development Strategy” you will see what I mean, and that particular piece has now been read by more than 14,000 people- incentive enough to keep writing, I think.

Tomorrow: With the imminent launch of the re-designed Top Sales Experts site, I am going to be totally immersed unfortunately, but wherever you are, have a great weekend, and I’ll hopefully see you back here on Monday – JF