Jan 08 2008
We All Have The Right To Do Anything That Does Not Violate The Rights Of Others
Assertiveness skills are very important in many situations; by being assertive you are letting people know what you want, need or prefer, in a way which is acceptable to both you and them. Put simply; assertiveness is about getting what you want without upsetting anyone.
Let’s start by defining assertiveness.
Definition Of Assertion
“Expressing opinions, thoughts and feelings in a non-defensive manner clearly and openly. It is being able to make requests and to refuse requests that are unacceptable”
Indicators Of Non-Verbal Assertive, Aggressive & Passive Behaviour
If you want to become more assertive, pay particular attention to your non-verbal behaviour as this needs to be in line with your verbal behaviour. If they are at odds it is the non-verbal behaviour that is usually believed The following are indicators, and only that. Just because someone does not have good eye contact and looks away a lot, does not mean to say that they are passive. It is their whole demeanour that is important
Assertive Non-Verbal Behaviour
- Firm eye contact, not staring
- Expresses anger and pleasure in face when appropriate, sincere reaction
- Features are steady, not set or changing frequently
- Stands and sits upright
- Open hand movements - relaxed posture, head held up
Aggressive Non-Verbal Behaviour
- Tries to dominate by staring
- Finger pointing
- Gives very knowing smile and set face when angry
- Arms crossed
- Stands and sits upright, head ‘in air’, leaning forward
- Raised eyebrows in disbelief
- Jabbing movements with hands, banging desk, clenched fists
- Paces impatiently
- Sits forward or steps forward
Passive Non-Verbal Behaviour
- Hesitant eye contact
- Looks away often and down
- Over smiles, gives ghost smile, even if angry
- Quick changing features
- Slouches, head down
- Fluttering hand movement, or playing with fingers or wringing hands
- Sits back or steps back
- Eyes raised in anticipation
Now let’s take a look at verbal behaviour.
Indicators Of Verbal Assertive, Aggressive & Passive Behaviour
Assertive
- Questions to find out thoughts, requirements, etc. of others
- Offers suggestions and ideas, not advice
- Never blames others
- Distinguishes fact from fiction (assumption, opinion)
- Steady voice, clear, well pitched, warm and sincere
- ‘I’ statements. ‘I prefer’, ‘I’d like’
- Clear concise statements, to the point. ‘I’d like to introduce this into the department within three months’, instead of wrapping up what you want with so much waffle it is unclear what you actually want
- Focusing on what can be done, not what can’t be done
- Problem solving statements
- Ability to give and receive feedback, both developmental and motivational
Aggressive
- Hard, brusque, over firm, voice rises at the end of sentences
- Too many ‘I’ statements
- Abrupt statements, often containing ‘My’ said in a superior fashion
- Hostile, threatening questions
- Blame put on anyone but self
- Gives feedback in the form of ‘Well, what you should do is…’ Does not solicit or accept feedback easily
- Doesn’t ask questions to find out facts, makes assumptions
- Sarcastic, point scoring
- Assumptions and opinions are put over as facts – uses statements like: ‘Well you probably wouldn’t remember’, and “ Not that you’d understand”
Passive
- Often lifeless voice, too quiet, monotone, over warm, voice drops away at the end of the sentence
- Waffle, long-winded statements
- Uses lots of “fill-in” words e.g. ‘Um’, ‘Yes’, ‘Well’
- Continually apologises and asks permission
- Few ‘I’ statements
- Puts self down, ‘Well I never could do it as well as you’
- Feels the need to justify a great deal
- Agrees with people, often with people of opposing views (Just to keep the peace)
In Summary: We All Have Assertive Rights
• The right to be assertive
• The right to choose not to be assertive
• The right to have and to express our views
• The right to be listened to
• The right to make decisions
• The right to admit we don’t know
• The right to say ‘no’ without feeling guilty
• The right to be consulted about decisions affecting us
• The right to change our mind
• The right to be treated with respect
In fact, the right to do anything that does not violate the rights of others.
Today’s News: Someone asked me the other day if, having established a great resource for sales leaders, were we considering developing one for salesmen and women. The short answer is “Yes” it is something we are contemplating but I pointed out that the hundreds of resources on Sales Leadership Zone are not exclusively for managers, they are also equally useful for front-line sales professionals - and they are free!
We will be adding several new sections shortly and launching a newsletter, so if you have not enrolled yet, why not do so today?
Tomorrow: On the JF Guest Author spot, Kelley Robertson, good chum and fellow Top Sales Expert with: “A Winner’s Attitude” which identifies what it takes to be really successful in sales.
