Mar 25 2007
If You Don’t Understand The Importance Of Empathy – You Are Probably On The Wrong Wavelength
“If you would win a man to your cause, first convince him you are his sincere friend.” Abraham Lincoln
Nowhere is this truer than in selling, where you are trying to persuade another, often a stranger, to make a decision they may not even have considered prior to your meeting.
The buyer-seller situation – like any human contact – is an exercise in human relations: the interplay, cause and effect of behaviour by two or more people on each other. In the buyer-seller situation, the seller must be responsible for shaping mutual behaviour.
What’s the difference between human nature and human relations?
• Human nature is the instinctive behaviour that governs action concerned with the self and with self-interest.
• Human relations are concerned with how we think and act in terms of other’s interests.
Successful selling demands that human relations be dominant over human nature.
Selling is not something a salesperson does to a prospect. Selling is something you do with the prospect in a process of discovery and interaction – human relations at work.
The greatest barrier to success in this process is the “Egocentric Predicament”. This consists of being overly and unnecessarily concerned with self. Our ability to be perceptive and concerned about others is inversely proportionate to our self-concern.
When self gets unnecessarily in the way, the fruitful cycle of good human relations stops producing.
The key to understanding and accepting others, is to first understand and accept oneself – starting with the realisation that, rather than strive for an unattainable “I should be” image, we should settle for our real self as “I am” – accepting shortcomings along with strengths.
The following points provide a practical answer to the “I am” versus “I should be” conflict.
Recognise it – and recognise that its source is rooted in the views of others.
Either (a) accept your “I am” image or (b) decide on attainable, constructive steps to achieve “I should be” in the future.
Our behaviour is a reflection of our attitudes; and our attitudes grow out of our values. Each is an integral part of the other. Do your life values make it easy for you to put the other person’s interests first?
Sincerity is a much-used word in relation to selling.
Integrity is a kindred word. Integrity implies a consistent kind of honesty: acting outwardly the way you truly feel inwardly. That’s why sound values are so important to your success with others. Remember: “People buy our product not so much because they understand the product… but because they feel that we understand them.”
There are many effective ways of doing this: The best way to create this kind of buying climate is to “transmit on their frequency.” This opens their mind to you…makes them willing – and eager – to listen.
A sincere, specific compliment on a point of real meaning to them gets the other person talking about things of interest to them. It opens doors.
“Before I sell my prospect what my prospect buys, I must first see my prospect as they see themselves.”
In Summary:
Empathy is the magical word in the lexicon of human relations. It means feeling as the other person feels, not just with them. It means putting yourself in their shoes and shaping your attitudes accordingly.
Beyond getting the order, the plus factor in selling is to make people look good in their own eyes and in the eyes of others. Rather than sell to them, we help them buy.
We do this best by building their self-image. This helps them grow. And as we help others grow, we grow. To do this, we must be open and honest - this is the essence of good human relations.
These concepts are applicable to every facet of our lives and in selling, they pave the way to the truest and most fruitful success.
This week, I began the process of forming the adjudication panel for “Top Ten Sales Articles” and frankly, I have been staggered by the level of enthusiasm: Less than 48 hours after sending out the invitations to a very select group of sales experts, eight out of ten are already on board – truly amazing: Next week I will announce the final line-up and hopefully, the main sponsor.
I can reveal that I very rarely stray outside my preferred list of authors, when I have some spare time to read articles – actually most of them are on the adjudication panel of Top Sales Articles – but I “found” Megan Tough yesterday, and I am really impressed with her work. She posted a number of pieces on BuildYourOwnBusiness and you can find her here.
And finally, two new articles for you: On Group site, www.thejfagroup.com you will find “Quality Activity Really Does Produce Quality Results” - here is a taster:
“The less I see of what’s his name? - The more I forget him.”
“Failing to focus salespeople’s activity reduces efficiency and consequently reduces results, because there isn’t a salesperson alive that believes they have enough time in their working week to complete all the activities they want to achieve! Time is a huge constraint on salespeople’s activities so that when their manager asks them for more, it’s no wonder that they are overwhelmed”. continue reading
Meanwhile, on my personal site, www.jonathanfarrington.com I have posted: “Motivation – Moving Beyond The Carrot And Big Stick Theory” - and another morsel for you:
“Professor Frederick Hertzberg has promoted a theory of motivation which goes a long way forward from the original theory of “Carrot and Stick”, or indeed its extension ‘The Reward Theory’, still used by many managers and Companies to try and exhort greater efforts from their staff.
It stems from two-statements:-
- What makes people happy and motivated at work, is what they do.
- What makes people unhappy and demotivated at work, is the situation in which they do it. continue reading
Both highly readable, as you would expect me to suggest!
OK, that’s it for another week, I have a three week break from BlogRadio, until “Top 10 Sales Articles” launches on April 15th (on whichever medium we use) – hope you will tune in for the launch? A defining moment!
As ever, wherever you are, have a great week.
JF
[...] Next up is Jonathan Farrington who proves that business doesn’t have to be boring. I found myself reading through a number of entries even though business is a big mystery to me. Many points that Jonathan makes about his work can be applied to life in my opinion. In one post called If You Don’t Understand The Importance Of Empathy – You Are Probably On The Wrong Wavelength he writes: The key to understanding and accepting others, is to first understand and accept oneself – starting with the realisation that, rather than strive for an unattainable “I should be” image, we should settle for our real self as “I am” – accepting shortcomings along with strengths. The following points provide a practical answer to the “I am” versus “I should be” conflict.Recognise it – and recognise that its source is rooted in the views of others. [...]